A Fourth Tense Romance....

I see u my friend and touch ur face again,
I’m never gonna survive unless i get a lid on crazy.....
SEAL- Crazy.
That’s exactly how i feel right now, like a sheet of dented metal.....a little force and a depression, clear the force and an elevation, better described as unstable.....CRAZYYYYY.
Its a quaint fantasy, a quaint romance.

I’m a greedy surveyor…. I feast my eyes on him, his lithe movements, he is like a magnificently simple steed, flowing hair he tosses in the wind, his body twirls as if on cue from the long tresses that adorn his back. My heart races to his frenzied footsteps. He has his eyes on the goal, I have mine on him!

My fantasy lives in a parallel universe, it don’t have no future, no past and not even a present…..it exists in a fourth temporal dimension, a fourth tense that exists in my mind...

He is like one of those wild flowers that I have been just about glancing at for a long

time, today he has blossomed in my mind’s eye.

My body, my voice, my external outputs stay unmoved around him….. but my eyes, they betray me, the flames that lick my insides glimmer with every flick of my eyelids, this fire doesn’t consume, doesn’t destroy, it just confuses, excites & teases me, creating an unrest, a state of imbalance in the atmosphere that cushions me; licking flames & icy breath.

A component of the fire missing, the toxicity of expectation, that which thought I, never existed, in reality, was doused at root. But every encounter leaves me aching with the toxic sting of expectation.

I don’t think I’ve ever burned with such frenzy before, at least in fairness to my first flame, I’d say, I don’t remember it anymore….

There…..that was my journey into ‘present tense’, back in the fourth tense of fantastical

unreality, there’s an incident ( or an act rather!) happening right now. Right now, a syringeful of tissue melting, adrenaline rushing attraction vial was injected.

My veins have mow awoken to an electricity, they pulsate to a secret climax. I’ve tight-rope walked to the end of my recognizable imagination…..

Hoping in my 3 tensed world, that reality would take over from the end of my tethered creativity….and here I sit, as I scribble almost noiselessly, to create a parallel vent to my present real pulsations……

Clarity!

Last night i found this word that i have been looking for, unconciously, for sometime now; Atleast since i began to feel this grave emptiness, and i mean literally, as if all i've got are the bones, remains of a once fleshy life. A coffin filled with an identityless remains of a past me, with a wispy existence of a me, today- breathing & clinically alive, yet unseeing , unfeeling & unable to see ahead. Trapped.
this word is like a local wild flower, u can find it anywhere, u probably pass it by everyday, with not so much as a glance. Then one day a foggy morning awakes & boundaries dont exist, neither in ur mind nor elsewhere, everything becomes a white mulch, that u spoon urself for ur very existence......the blandness is initially comforting, then sly and slithering the numbness creeps out of u to seat itself on ur throne. This pale, stone-eyed, nihilistic king then proceeds to destroy all memories & records of all previous incidents of stimuli & responses, pain & pleasure, excitement & may be even fear.
And as i laid in my grave numbness, a yellow voice tinged with an arousing green, gnawed & scratched at the insides of this dark coffin, as faint golden strands of memories, glowed to life in the channels of my mind.....u must imagine this light as a powerful, warm energy that sparked me out of my inaction....
Like a meteorite hurtling down to earth, my consciousness returned, I opened my eyes to my submerged reality, the one I poetized just recently, ‘Shallowed in the sea’…its called, & I raced to the top, broke the surface with a heaving cry that was as sharp as a blade that oozes blood with a light flick of the wrist that holds it.
I bobble now with a living contentment & savor the clarity of the air so unlike the blur of the water below & wait for the sun to rise in the queer dead of the night, to swim in the direction I have to take; towards my orange coloured horizon…….

SHALLOWED IN THE SEA....

I toed the water edge on many shores,
Waddled into one with an orange hope horizon,
Lurking fears & icy waters,
A green tinged challenge, keenly accepted,
Shallow waters abandoned,
an unfloating fear,
conquered by my watery dissolution,
still existing I frolic in new found fluid freedom,
in time that passed by me in a vibrant blur, a curious metamorphosis,
now rooted to the sea bottom,
vibrant blur unlocked, smelt the roses & a rested haze,
unlocked the haze & there flows my stagnant reality,
unsolved and torturous,
hope for it to be green tinged challenge,
wince and shut my eyes to my black hole reality….

...Desperation.....

quivering heat, lost in the lines of a chamber of confusion,
step of the pedestal and a heart wrenching fall,
icy breath,
none the warmer - inside or out,
a persistent conviction duels a hormonal explosion,
white washed calm,
now a corroded disillusion

A Struggle For Emancipation...

unfathomed irritation,
a reflex of contradictions
so many things
to scream out
LOUD,
only way is a silenced scribbling,
words wriggle to sprawl out like prose,
but verses stand with binding addiction....
a solution searched in this passive vocabular application,
belated discovery of the answer....now known to be just a temporary diversion.

A Sympathetic Absurdity..

traditional, portable instant chutney,
could have opened a few doors for our brainstormings,
LOOK AT ME! some dreamer, 'open new doors', hmmphh,
it probably would've sung a wisp of a whisper into the hearts of quivering nerves.......

Sounds Of Silence...

creamed ambience,

a peircing silence,

wound veins of cold, squeaky metal,

tighten their grasp on my sensory responses,

an urge to shatter, clouds my nervous recognition,

words climb out to complete that ambition...

Chugging Fantasies...

i sit in a concoction boiling with nasal
whispers! my
eyes follow a path in the cubicle, as if following an invisible bee.......
finally i see wat spurns a trail of words in my head and thats how
u now see a picture of
the curled fingers of a sunlit grip....

An Eggshelled Calm…..

an eggshelled calm…..

white.....gloomless white ,
white of a blank page waiting to be wrote upon...
a white grave ...... not a black end....

Echo

caged fog, white gloved gloom,
shivering spine, fingers blue,
questions flow blood fully wet,
stoneful heart...remembering life,
once abounded brilliantly ablaze,
what turn was taken, a heart didn’t see,
if only vocal....of da definity.......
once a cooling breeze, now a tornado twist of my heart....
where r u? a thousand echoes cry....an echo is all da answer dat I get......

Knots

safety harness.....strangled carcass....
distant reality, a freaky duality,
echoed answer.... unmirroring my question,
iced soul, steaming cold......
angry hand pretending goodwill,
some unknotting.....some life-strands unfold....
why is still the question...the answer still untold....

A Captured Bliss...

no strings attached,
no memories summoned,
toed a line, born anew,
ecstacy splashing,
happiness here with me,
no where else but here,
with me,
with no strings attached......

my friend stands there , with his feet dug into the wet slushy sand......he twists n turns bends n straightens crawls n tilts ...what for? oh just a photograph, a beautiful image of golden sand n foamy water....u move ur attention from hyperactive friend and try to humanize the atmosphere, there's the water like a kind, supportive mother, coming back again n again almost telling u to take another shot of her, "dont worry i'll come back jas like before, u can get the shot uve bin struggling for.." and theres the sun like a father, impatiet n unforgiving "u lost ur chance son.....the gold u wanted wont return u'll have to make do wid this fading golden dusk...."
and i sit there on warm dry sand grimacing at the setting sun.....saying in my head "u can fade away all u want! we'll chase ur reflection down to the waters edge.....if thats where i get my beautiful picture of golden sand n foamy water!"

-photograph by vinay g.

POEM FOR ART INSTALLATION IN RT ALIVE.

Restricted enthusiasm,

negative proliferation,

battered, bullied,

empowered liberation,

an exploding news sensation,

no more darkened eyelids,

now a sunny revelation......

she climbs the ladders of a dream,

her wind-swept hair of purple and green,

cradling life, undettered, unconditioned,

painful secrets, gracefully hidden,

core of creation, an entity for celebration.

standing on black irises..... plastic eyelids closing on clear black water,

leaden limbs and a mouthful of smoke.... clearly unstepped, clearly unspoken....................

MADE DURING A CLASS ON MODERNISM!

Contracting muscles, unfolding joints,

the mind fingers fiddle,

temporary paralysis, temporary elation, enlightenment blowing by,

........resting sands............mind fingers dance,

.............asking the hows and the whys...................

clothed in temporal anonymity the wind smiles her seductive mysterious smile......

Instant Rhymification....

she asked me if i cud rhyme......
n i thot of dat time.....
when the needle of inspiration had taken me a wide mile.....

Realising Reality

tilting reality....morphing into an upturned unreality.....
equalling a reality........
married to a subconcious unreality....

Tears...

viscous red water,
overwhelming...crushing...a storm within my sole knowledge
n my sole understanding,
warm droplets boil of angst,desire n PAIN,
flowing down...to the quivering inverted peak...
only to ascend the inverted sky....
seated in the crimson corner..........a tear warmed her palm...
as a wailing red on wheels carried a normalcy,
a fairness of judgement away.......

liquid suspension , a neutral complication,
threaded the letter, woven the word,
a green projection becoming a mental explosion,
itching combustion waiting for energy consumption,
before a self-destruction sparked by self absorption.